The Closet Buddhist

Archive for the tag “spiritulality”

I May Practice Compassion and Peace, but I Still Play Hockey and More

My belief’s are that of Buddha’s teachings that have us practicing peace and compassion but I still play a violenot sport. Hockey is known to be one of the most violent sports with the contact but I love the challenges. There are choices I can make in the violence I have in the sport such as no checking leagues and no fighting. You will be shoved but nothing serious. Something I believe is you can have control of the violenice you perform. You can choose to be that bully on the playground or be the one to stand up to the bully without use of physical violence.

I choose the less violent league of hockey. There are some violence that I do condone such as defense of self and others. I chose to use physical violence once in college once. I was coming out of a night class and used a short cut path to my dorm which was on the other side of campus. A creep came out of nowhere and started to get all grabby  and kissy with me. I yelled at him to stop but the creep would not listen. I elbowed him hard in the mouth and escaped. I found campus safety. The creep was taken off campus to face the consequences. I found out that creep was a wanted rapist. The campus security guard also toled me that I mocked out three teeth and cracked two others.

I know violence is not a problem solver but I have no regret in what I did. If not me, he could have done sserious harm to another woman. The good news is the creep is in jail for the next twenty five years.

Using Right Speach For Everyday Use

Right Speach basically to me  is no swearing, no lying, and no Speach that can harm someone. Here is one that I struggle with and that is not to swear. It is an impulsive, rude, and shows no respect. Something sad is I have been exposed to profanity since I was two in the home. I would not say it in public, just at home. Now, growing up and living near one of the rudest cities I have temptations for swearing in the form of driving. That is where I have to take a deep breath and focus. Most of my road frustrations are from traffic and people not using their directional.

Now another part is not really lying nor is it words intended to hurt others but I have no filter on my mouth when telling the truth. I can not give a good lie to save my life but me being too honest can bring suffering to others when I did not intend to. This is where I need to work at it because I am not a lost cause in charge going the behavior and understand why I do what I do is key. The profanity will be the longest habit to unlearn , I just know it.

Real Life Mara Demons, I Have Mine

The Buddha faced the Mara demon which turns what should be negatives aspects of life seem positive. Here is mine, it is called mental illness. I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder and severe soctal anxiety disorder. Here is how it throws me off the path.

The bi-polar disorder causes severe ups with a cute mania and crippling depression. It is the mania that causes me the true problem in causing me to be come not mindfull in my actions. I become severely deluded in believing that I need things that I should not need like that $54 eyeshadow pallet. What good is it for me besides instant gratification for something that I might rarely use?

Now the social anxiety disorder holds me back from doing good with fear with being around people. Meditation helps me work through it that not all will bite and to start to overcome this fear. The fear of socializing  has held me back from going to the meditation center, creates negative aspirations in me to avoid others and makes me even more of a closeted Buddhist.

Answer To Why I Am A Closeted Buddhist

I have been asked from Twitter to why I am a Buddhist in the closet and here is why. It is the family I have and fear of their reaction. The family I come from are devout Protestants and are not to tolerant to those who do not believe the same way they do. I love them dearly but it is their reaction I fear. I do not want to have to cut ties for choosing to follow Buddha’s teachings because that is what I am concerned will happen. They will make me chose Buddhism or them.

Feeling And Compassion And Empathy From An Aspie’s Point Of View

Asperger’s is thy enemy for me with social interaction and emotions. Understanding emotions and blocking emotions can be an unfortunate talent of  mine. I do not know how to feel them to be exact but there are other ways to show that you have empathy and compassion and that is by actions. I explain what I can not express through my words I do it through action. I do believe actions speak much better than words anyways.

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