The Closet Buddhist

Archive for the tag “spirituality”

One Time When There Was No Control In My Life

I have been there, it is called my father’s drug addiction to prescription pain pills and it started when I was small. He was in a bad car accident and he recovered by learning how to live off pain pills. Pain is both physical and psychological and I believe that the physical suffering can partialy helped by psychological means.

Now his addiction got out of control when he tried to commit suicide with my mother, the family dog, and I in the house by running his car with garage door shut. I know this is mental anguish but he put everyone in danger. This was a lesson in forgiveness and understanding of sickness. He was mentally sick.

He lost his battle with his addiction to the pain pills. This is where I had to learn the hard way to accept death. Life and death is a cycle that so many do not want to accept because we live in a world that wants to be young forever and never die. This was a storm that I had to hang on because this was bumpy water.

Body Image Misery Upon Us

There is no doubt that as a woman that there is every tool to make me feel insecure about my self and cause girls and women to consume more to feel like they belong on a superficially level.

1. body immage- It goes from model skin to cross fit built. There are memes out there if you do not look like this then you are lazy and you are doing something wrong. Here is a concept and that is not to diet but portion control. Diets fail at the end of the day If you have to lose weight, do it iso a slower manor to make it come off and not expect rapid results.

2. On the level of fashion- girls and  women are expected to have the latest modelof clothing to be seen “on trend” but in the reality it is another cause for a female to consume  to feel like they belong.

3. Cosmetics- this is the most shallow of levels. Wo end are expetted to out into public wearing the latest makeup with the latest techniques.  This is one addiction that makes of e feel insecure if you can not paint your face in the right way. On a side note, make up and cosmetics can be an expensive addiction.

This misery is soetching I feel can be tamed into mindfulness and seeing the why’s of it. This type of suffering does not lead to anything g good but can set the stage for womenergy and girls to suffer from eating g disorders, anxiety, and depression because they do not feel like they belong g.

 

Darkest Moments Lead To Light

Everyone has their darkest moments in life and they  can set a couse for the rest of your life in a positive or negative way. I had my darkest moment at the age of twenty six. I suffered a serious nervout break down that landed me into a psychiatric hospiral which lead to the bi-polar disorder and asperger’s diagnoses. If that was not done I would probably not be here today.

Now trying to focus on weathering the storm has been the fight that I am dealing with constantly. This is my Mara. Focusing on getting to the light and knowing this will pass and has to pass is what lead me into Buddhism and for me to meet my mentor in a monk. He and I to share one common thread, we both have bi-polar disorder. He has been sharing with me how he deals with it that does not rely solely on medication. He looks a bit it as a chain of suffering that has weak link that has to be broken. Breaking that link into the chain of suffering is key for getting the suffering out from your life.

I have had to focus on the how and why I do suffer with all of the meditations that I have been given as homework. Sometimes, mindfulness can be your biggest ally in your fight against with the darkness.

* Before taking the Buddhism only approach to mental illness, go see a practitioner to help get you stable for your own health. They can make sure you are stable to help you start the long road of recovery. I add the Buddhism teachings in with the therapy and the council in I recieve. Some of the teachings in Buddhism has helped me see through some of the muck and has helped me stay stable and has even helped lower doses of medication when appropriate.

Buddhist Book Review-The Heart Of The Revolution By Noah Levine

This book was read of my own free will and came from my huge local library.

The author of the book Noah Levine, explains his life as a punk with his life of substance abuse, anger, and suicide attempts. This book goes through the grit of Buddha’s teachings in a form that the average Joe can understand. The material is presented in a way that you can apply the Buddha’s teachings in the twenty first century that reaches out tof today’s youth. Too many books on Buddhism do not even attempt to reach the youth.

The downside is this book might be torture for those who are not new to the Buddha’s teachings go or want more substance.

Bottom line, read it. I enjoyed the reading it on a chilly New England afternoon.

The Suffering Of Change According To An Aspie

Suffering in Buddhism has three parts; pain, change, and conditionality. My form of suffering that affects the most is suffering from change, A part of my Asperger’s is that I am rigid with routines. If you throw me off the slightest path, I will become a riveted and then I do not know how to deal with the change.

I havery begun to look at it as this will pass and the world will not come to a crashing end if someone comes over and you are delayed putting dinner on the tabble. It may be a noting to be but again, the world will not come to an end. This is something that will pass and the sufeeling of change is something that will be worked out over time through meditation. Suffering from change get will always be with me but it works it self out the more you medditate.

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