The Closet Buddhist

Archive for the tag “buddhist”

I May Practice Compassion and Peace, but I Still Play Hockey and More

My belief’s are that of Buddha’s teachings that have us practicing peace and compassion but I still play a violenot sport. Hockey is known to be one of the most violent sports with the contact but I love the challenges. There are choices I can make in the violence I have in the sport such as no checking leagues and no fighting. You will be shoved but nothing serious. Something I believe is you can have control of the violenice you perform. You can choose to be that bully on the playground or be the one to stand up to the bully without use of physical violence.

I choose the less violent league of hockey. There are some violence that I do condone such as defense of self and others. I chose to use physical violence once in college once. I was coming out of a night class and used a short cut path to my dorm which was on the other side of campus. A creep came out of nowhere and started to get all grabby  and kissy with me. I yelled at him to stop but the creep would not listen. I elbowed him hard in the mouth and escaped. I found campus safety. The creep was taken off campus to face the consequences. I found out that creep was a wanted rapist. The campus security guard also toled me that I mocked out three teeth and cracked two others.

I know violence is not a problem solver but I have no regret in what I did. If not me, he could have done sserious harm to another woman. The good news is the creep is in jail for the next twenty five years.


A Form Of Compassion We Can All Do, End Shaming

Shaming has been around for years and has become more visible with social media. It was explained to me as a friend of mine that it is society’s or one person’s way of telling you that they disapprove. What ever happened to solving our problems in private and not trying to humiliate them in public? It goes from slut shaming all the way to the bad behavior of our pets. I had it done to me when I attended a Catholic high school over having my short sleeves slightly too short. They could have sent me home to change, given me a dention, or told me to torder throw something with a longer sleeve on. I was the laughing stalk of my school for weeks. I got my parents involved and the picture was taken down.

This is bullying no matter how you look at it. When you humiliate someone for whatever reason, it is bullying. Bullying has lead to suffering everywhere and unfortunately has resulted in suicides. Even when someone has done something wrong, you need to forgive but the person needs to know that they are in the wrong without bullying tactics. I belive it will cause more problems than what it is worth. We can show some compassion by encouraging one person to stop shaming someone else, it can spread. Spread compassion for others and not suffering.

One Time When There Was No Control In My Life

I have been there, it is called my father’s drug addiction to prescription pain pills and it started when I was small. He was in a bad car accident and he recovered by learning how to live off pain pills. Pain is both physical and psychological and I believe that the physical suffering can partialy helped by psychological means.

Now his addiction got out of control when he tried to commit suicide with my mother, the family dog, and I in the house by running his car with garage door shut. I know this is mental anguish but he put everyone in danger. This was a lesson in forgiveness and understanding of sickness. He was mentally sick.

He lost his battle with his addiction to the pain pills. This is where I had to learn the hard way to accept death. Life and death is a cycle that so many do not want to accept because we live in a world that wants to be young forever and never die. This was a storm that I had to hang on because this was bumpy water.

Why Some Of My Wrtings On Buddhism May Seem Black And White

Some has pointed out that I seem to be too black and white in my writings but there is a challenge that I face and that is Asperger’s.  One part of Asperger’s is that we have problems understanding abstract concepts.

Using Right Speach For Everyday Use

Right Speach basically to me  is no swearing, no lying, and no Speach that can harm someone. Here is one that I struggle with and that is not to swear. It is an impulsive, rude, and shows no respect. Something sad is I have been exposed to profanity since I was two in the home. I would not say it in public, just at home. Now, growing up and living near one of the rudest cities I have temptations for swearing in the form of driving. That is where I have to take a deep breath and focus. Most of my road frustrations are from traffic and people not using their directional.

Now another part is not really lying nor is it words intended to hurt others but I have no filter on my mouth when telling the truth. I can not give a good lie to save my life but me being too honest can bring suffering to others when I did not intend to. This is where I need to work at it because I am not a lost cause in charge going the behavior and understand why I do what I do is key. The profanity will be the longest habit to unlearn , I just know it.

Darkest Moments Lead To Light

Everyone has their darkest moments in life and they  can set a couse for the rest of your life in a positive or negative way. I had my darkest moment at the age of twenty six. I suffered a serious nervout break down that landed me into a psychiatric hospiral which lead to the bi-polar disorder and asperger’s diagnoses. If that was not done I would probably not be here today.

Now trying to focus on weathering the storm has been the fight that I am dealing with constantly. This is my Mara. Focusing on getting to the light and knowing this will pass and has to pass is what lead me into Buddhism and for me to meet my mentor in a monk. He and I to share one common thread, we both have bi-polar disorder. He has been sharing with me how he deals with it that does not rely solely on medication. He looks a bit it as a chain of suffering that has weak link that has to be broken. Breaking that link into the chain of suffering is key for getting the suffering out from your life.

I have had to focus on the how and why I do suffer with all of the meditations that I have been given as homework. Sometimes, mindfulness can be your biggest ally in your fight against with the darkness.

* Before taking the Buddhism only approach to mental illness, go see a practitioner to help get you stable for your own health. They can make sure you are stable to help you start the long road of recovery. I add the Buddhism teachings in with the therapy and the council in I recieve. Some of the teachings in Buddhism has helped me see through some of the muck and has helped me stay stable and has even helped lower doses of medication when appropriate.

Buddhist Book Review-The Heart Of The Revolution By Noah Levine

This book was read of my own free will and came from my huge local library.

The author of the book Noah Levine, explains his life as a punk with his life of substance abuse, anger, and suicide attempts. This book goes through the grit of Buddha’s teachings in a form that the average Joe can understand. The material is presented in a way that you can apply the Buddha’s teachings in the twenty first century that reaches out tof today’s youth. Too many books on Buddhism do not even attempt to reach the youth.

The downside is this book might be torture for those who are not new to the Buddha’s teachings go or want more substance.

Bottom line, read it. I enjoyed the reading it on a chilly New England afternoon.

The Suffering Of Change According To An Aspie

Suffering in Buddhism has three parts; pain, change, and conditionality. My form of suffering that affects the most is suffering from change, A part of my Asperger’s is that I am rigid with routines. If you throw me off the slightest path, I will become a riveted and then I do not know how to deal with the change.

I havery begun to look at it as this will pass and the world will not come to a crashing end if someone comes over and you are delayed putting dinner on the tabble. It may be a noting to be but again, the world will not come to an end. This is something that will pass and the sufeeling of change is something that will be worked out over time through meditation. Suffering from change get will always be with me but it works it self out the more you medditate.

Real Life Mara Demons, I Have Mine

The Buddha faced the Mara demon which turns what should be negatives aspects of life seem positive. Here is mine, it is called mental illness. I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder and severe soctal anxiety disorder. Here is how it throws me off the path.

The bi-polar disorder causes severe ups with a cute mania and crippling depression. It is the mania that causes me the true problem in causing me to be come not mindfull in my actions. I become severely deluded in believing that I need things that I should not need like that $54 eyeshadow pallet. What good is it for me besides instant gratification for something that I might rarely use?

Now the social anxiety disorder holds me back from doing good with fear with being around people. Meditation helps me work through it that not all will bite and to start to overcome this fear. The fear of socializing  has held me back from going to the meditation center, creates negative aspirations in me to avoid others and makes me even more of a closeted Buddhist.

How I Gave Up Eating Meat

Eating meat is what I consider a disrespect to all life by the loss of life of an innocent and al. Giving up meat is not an easy thing to do but it can be done.

  1. Work with a nutritionist so you do not cut out any important nutrient that is vital to your health. For example I had to find other proteins other than soy because I am allergic.
  2. Start with one meal at a time and breakfast is the easy way to dip your feet in it since it is a favorite meal for breads. Since I eat oatmeal for breakfast, that was the easiest way for me.
  3. Avoid the fast food restaurants. Their menus are loaded up with junk and you have no choices in food anyways. Start carrying something with you. Your wallet will love you when you end your trips to Burger King.
  4. Go check out some vegetarian cook books froom your library. This will give you ideas of what to eat so you are not board and be tempted to eat meat.

For me, I could not give it up cold turkey ; pun intended. I had to ween myself off of meat over four months and I have not had a piece of meat go past my mouth since May.

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