The Closet Buddhist

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A Hate Letter To Alzheimer’s

Dearest Alzheimer’s,

Hate is a very strong word but hate is a word that is approprate for you. I hate what you are doing to my grandmother by taking away everything she loves and turning her into a shell. I hate what you don to so many others around the worlid by destroying them. When you strike someone with it, you strike  whole family because we have to watch our loved one fall apart. We should be able to give our loved ones the best send off between the cycle of life and death but that can not happen with you. If you were curable and gone from this world,no one would miss you at all.

Another person who hates you,



Changing My Thanksgiving Plans

Due to me going in for knee surgery before the holiday, I will be in no shape to go in and volunteer since I will have been barley home. I talked with the nursing home that I am doing this and there is no problem but I do feel guilt because I am not going through with a promise. I have some fault by playing a little too rough in the sport I love but this is just one of the small things. I have tofurkey already brought and try to help the family out for dinner while on crutches. The good news is that nursing home who had volunteers come in during Thanksgiving stI’ll needs volunteers during Christmas. This might be better because by then, I will not be under the influence of pain medication that I will need to take for a while.

I May Practice Compassion and Peace, but I Still Play Hockey and More

My belief’s are that of Buddha’s teachings that have us practicing peace and compassion but I still play a violenot sport. Hockey is known to be one of the most violent sports with the contact but I love the challenges. There are choices I can make in the violence I have in the sport such as no checking leagues and no fighting. You will be shoved but nothing serious. Something I believe is you can have control of the violenice you perform. You can choose to be that bully on the playground or be the one to stand up to the bully without use of physical violence.

I choose the less violent league of hockey. There are some violence that I do condone such as defense of self and others. I chose to use physical violence once in college once. I was coming out of a night class and used a short cut path to my dorm which was on the other side of campus. A creep came out of nowhere and started to get all grabby  and kissy with me. I yelled at him to stop but the creep would not listen. I elbowed him hard in the mouth and escaped. I found campus safety. The creep was taken off campus to face the consequences. I found out that creep was a wanted rapist. The campus security guard also toled me that I mocked out three teeth and cracked two others.

I know violence is not a problem solver but I have no regret in what I did. If not me, he could have done sserious harm to another woman. The good news is the creep is in jail for the next twenty five years.

There Needs To Be A Pinterst Addicts Support Group

It is very sad, I discovered Pinterest and it has created a monster in me. I spent over an hour pinning. That site screams addiction and I am sure there are others like me. We can manage the devil, we all need support in toning down our pinterest demon.

A Form Of Compassion We Can All Do, End Shaming

Shaming has been around for years and has become more visible with social media. It was explained to me as a friend of mine that it is society’s or one person’s way of telling you that they disapprove. What ever happened to solving our problems in private and not trying to humiliate them in public? It goes from slut shaming all the way to the bad behavior of our pets. I had it done to me when I attended a Catholic high school over having my short sleeves slightly too short. They could have sent me home to change, given me a dention, or told me to torder throw something with a longer sleeve on. I was the laughing stalk of my school for weeks. I got my parents involved and the picture was taken down.

This is bullying no matter how you look at it. When you humiliate someone for whatever reason, it is bullying. Bullying has lead to suffering everywhere and unfortunately has resulted in suicides. Even when someone has done something wrong, you need to forgive but the person needs to know that they are in the wrong without bullying tactics. I belive it will cause more problems than what it is worth. We can show some compassion by encouraging one person to stop shaming someone else, it can spread. Spread compassion for others and not suffering.

Trying To Figure Out How To Meditate On A Blown Out ACL

I am not sure if I should avoid the meditation center  until my knee heals up but I blew put my ACL playing hockey this morning and I am on crutches in a straight knee brace. I tried getting down at home and swong my bad leg over my leg that is fine and folded up for proper meditation. It causes even more pain than I am already in to the point I can not focus. Should I just wait until I am feeling better to return to the meditation center even though it will not be until next year? I am also not able to participate in yoga class either.

One Time When There Was No Control In My Life

I have been there, it is called my father’s drug addiction to prescription pain pills and it started when I was small. He was in a bad car accident and he recovered by learning how to live off pain pills. Pain is both physical and psychological and I believe that the physical suffering can partialy helped by psychological means.

Now his addiction got out of control when he tried to commit suicide with my mother, the family dog, and I in the house by running his car with garage door shut. I know this is mental anguish but he put everyone in danger. This was a lesson in forgiveness and understanding of sickness. He was mentally sick.

He lost his battle with his addiction to the pain pills. This is where I had to learn the hard way to accept death. Life and death is a cycle that so many do not want to accept because we live in a world that wants to be young forever and never die. This was a storm that I had to hang on because this was bumpy water.

Why Some Of My Wrtings On Buddhism May Seem Black And White

Some has pointed out that I seem to be too black and white in my writings but there is a challenge that I face and that is Asperger’s.  One part of Asperger’s is that we have problems understanding abstract concepts.

Body Image Misery Upon Us

There is no doubt that as a woman that there is every tool to make me feel insecure about my self and cause girls and women to consume more to feel like they belong on a superficially level.

1. body immage- It goes from model skin to cross fit built. There are memes out there if you do not look like this then you are lazy and you are doing something wrong. Here is a concept and that is not to diet but portion control. Diets fail at the end of the day If you have to lose weight, do it iso a slower manor to make it come off and not expect rapid results.

2. On the level of fashion- girls and  women are expected to have the latest modelof clothing to be seen “on trend” but in the reality it is another cause for a female to consume  to feel like they belong.

3. Cosmetics- this is the most shallow of levels. Wo end are expetted to out into public wearing the latest makeup with the latest techniques.  This is one addiction that makes of e feel insecure if you can not paint your face in the right way. On a side note, make up and cosmetics can be an expensive addiction.

This misery is soetching I feel can be tamed into mindfulness and seeing the why’s of it. This type of suffering does not lead to anything g good but can set the stage for womenergy and girls to suffer from eating g disorders, anxiety, and depression because they do not feel like they belong g.


Using Right Speach For Everyday Use

Right Speach basically to me  is no swearing, no lying, and no Speach that can harm someone. Here is one that I struggle with and that is not to swear. It is an impulsive, rude, and shows no respect. Something sad is I have been exposed to profanity since I was two in the home. I would not say it in public, just at home. Now, growing up and living near one of the rudest cities I have temptations for swearing in the form of driving. That is where I have to take a deep breath and focus. Most of my road frustrations are from traffic and people not using their directional.

Now another part is not really lying nor is it words intended to hurt others but I have no filter on my mouth when telling the truth. I can not give a good lie to save my life but me being too honest can bring suffering to others when I did not intend to. This is where I need to work at it because I am not a lost cause in charge going the behavior and understand why I do what I do is key. The profanity will be the longest habit to unlearn , I just know it.

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